It's Friday. Sex?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
