ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
