I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
