what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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