First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
