ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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