i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
