Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
