Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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