but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am midnight drunk by noon
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
