Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
