just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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