So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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