Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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