I think I am morally bankrupt
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
