My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
