my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
