So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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