No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
