Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
