FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
