I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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