names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
