I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
