u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
