She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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