I smell stomach acid.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
