and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
