are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
