Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
