Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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