its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
