fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
