Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
