I'd wear matching sweaters with you
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
