If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
