he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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