the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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