I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
