i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
