you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Actions speak louder than pants.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
