New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
