oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
