i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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