Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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