The maid of honor just puked.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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