I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
