I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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