I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
