i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
as a side note pls kill me
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