Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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