i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
