I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
