Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
