how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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