Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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