she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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