why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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