I just cut my nipple shaving
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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