Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
