guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
